|
INSIDER TRADING MAVEN; BOLDFACED LIAR;
IN CONTEMPT OF CONGRESS FOR REFUSING TO 'FESS UP TO FACT THAT STOCKBROKER FURNISHED HER
INSIDE INFORMATION; HAS ANGERED ADMINISTRATION BY DEMONSTRATION ON LIVE TV OF SELFMADE ABORTION DEVICE
IN THE FORM OF A CLEVERLY BENT METAL COAT HANGER
MARTHA STEWART
|
Date of Photograph
Unknown |
| Aliases: [None printable in polite company]
|
DESCRIPTION
| Date of Birth: |
1941 |
Hair: |
Bleached |
| Place of Birth: |
New Jersey |
Eyes: |
Shifty |
| Height: |
5' 2" |
Complexion: |
Botoxin |
| Weight: |
Approximately 165 pounds |
Sex: |
Female |
| Build: |
Slouching Posture |
Nationality: |
USA |
| Occupation: |
Fugitive from justice |
|
|
| Remarks: |
Martha Stewart is accused of wielding undue
influence over the American public through her incessant media blitz
via magazines such as "Is Martha Stewart Alive"
|
| Scars and Marks: |
Battle scars from a vicious divorce; interoffice
tiffs with Omnia Media staff on a daily basis |
CAUTION
MARTHA STEWART IS ACCUSED OF BEING THE WORLD'S MOST IRRITATING, BORING AND USELESS PERSONA;
HER TRUTHFULNESS IS
SUSPECT, AND SHE IS A RAGING HORMONAL DISASTER, TO BOOT
CONSIDERED ARMED AND EXTREMELY
DANGEROUS
IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION CONCERNING THIS PERSON, PLEASE CONTACT
YOUR LOCAL FBI OFFICE
OR THE NEAREST U.S.
EMBASSY OR CONSULATE.
REWARD
AOL-Time Warner, a quickly fading global media company, through its "AOL Anywhere??" e-commerce boosters club, is
offering a reward of up to $25 million for information leading directly to
the conviction of Martha Stewart or proof that she is nothing more than an
"uneducated, opportunistic bitch."
September 17, 2002
Poster Revised - None
[ FBI Home Page
] |
